By now you may have heard of Flippo, the rather pathetic nerf bat/human. Well allow me to tell you a little story which involves his cousin, Bumpy, the human nerf ball.
In their childhood Flippo and Bumpy would play together out in the park behind their house. They loved bouncing and rolling around in the grass, with not a care in the world and not a fear in their puny little minds. That is unless it rained. As soon as they noticed any hint of a dark cloud they'd be inside faster than you can say "Well bugger me, I'm sure I just saw a couple of talking nerf toys.", as they would never forget what happened that dark tragic day...
Flippo had thwacked Bumpy a good 70 meters with all his nerfy might, right into a patch of thistles near the gloomy woods. Now while Bumpy had enjoyed his flight, the rushing of the wind through his porous little body and the wonderful view he obtained, he didn't so much like the sharp, clutching thistle he was now trapped within.
Bumped hollered "Hey Flippo you stupid thicko twit! Get me out of here!!!"
But alas, Flippo did not hear, for just as he had hit Bumpy, his eyes had fell apon the most amazing sight of his short, pathetic little life....A female nerf bat! And not just any female nerf bat mind you, oh no! She was a top of the range XP-150 fe male nerf bat, and she was a real looker. (Now a question could be asked at this juncture. That being "Exactly what is the difference between a male, and a female nerf bat, and why aren't they sold in different coloured boxes, say pink and blue?" Well it' s quite simple, you see, mere mortals like you and me (Assuming no nerf toys are reading this, and if they were it would be a great leap forward for nerfy kind, as so far no nerf toy has been able to master the art of reading anything more than "Now absor bs 50% more water!") can't see any difference between male and female nerf bats. This is because there really is no physical difference at all, nerf bats just choose to become one sex or the other at birth. Actually only a few choose, as most have no idea that they have the option, the privileged few who do find out always choose to become female as they somehow think that people will treat them nicer. Any that don't choose automatically default to male, such is the way of the nerf bats. Once a nerf bat c hooses to be female it undergoes a change of sorts, it's whole persona alters, in an imperceptible way to humans, but in a very strong and damn sexy way to nerf bats.)
Flippo stared at the beauty as she was pummelled into the head of some poor little younger brother. He was sure he could see her smiling at him in between vicious strikes and Flippo started dreaming of the life he and this goddess would make together , raising their little clump (collective term for baby nerf bats) in a toy box somewhere...aahhh.
"Get me out of here you spongy prick!"
Flippo was broken out of his trance by the crass voice of his cousin.
"Yeah, yeah.." Flippo trudged over to the thistles, walking backwards so he could keep gazing at the heavenly vision across the street. He was dreaming of snuggling up to that glorious sponge as he backed right into the thistle, and became very, very st uck.
"Well done foam face!" Bumpy screamed, "Just bloody brilliant you dick wad!"
"Well I didn't.. I was just looking at.."
"I don't give a crap, just get us out of here!"
"I, I can't get out." Flippo protested in fear.
Just then a peal of thunder steamrolled it's way across the sky.
"Oh bugger" said Bumpy.
A drop of water fell on Flippo.
"Oh screw me sideways with a pitchfork." said Flippo somewhat excessively.
The storm clouds opened, letting loose a torrent of icy cold rain down on the two absorbent cousins. Within a matter of seconds Flippo and Bumpy began to swell. Uncontrollably they ballooned, bigger and bigger, wetter and wetter, stupider and stupider.
You see, when nerf toys of any description swell up with water, their intelligence is simply spread over a wider area, hence any one bit of them is stupider than it was earlier, and therefor their brain (located in various places in various toys) holds l ess intelligence than it did before and the overall effect is they become just plain dumb.
Flippo and Bumpy had reached this stage.
"I know! I'll just lie here." Gurgled Flippo.
"Yeah, that sounds like a great idea." Dribbled Bumpy.
Fourteen hours later when the rain had stopped and the sun had dried them somewhat Flippo and Bumpy awoke from their horror night of soggy sleep.
"F*!K you're an idiot!" Screamed Bumpy in his usual cheery tone.
"But I saw this..." Flippo began.
"Ah ah ah! No excuses you pudgy, spongy piece of crap! I'm leaving you! No more games, no more hitting me into prickly things and leaving me to die! NO MORE! I've had it! Good bye!"
And with that Bumby removed himself from the thistles, that had become soft and easy to bend from the rain, and rolled on towards a new life.
Flippo just sat and dreamed of his gorgeous nerf woman.
Well until a small child intent on revenge apon his older brother found Flippo and stormed off to beat the living crap out of him.
Such is the life of a nerf bat.