Some thoughts I wish to share with you all.

Have you ever wondered why fish don't talk? I have, and I believe that if they did then the world would be a fuller, and richer place for it. We could all learn how to swim like fish, all learn how to think like fish. And, most importantly, we could all learn how to stay in the water for as long as they do without getting wrinkly. How do they do that?

Gumballs are cool aren't they?

Cats are another interesting creature. If only because they believe that it's their owner's place in life to feed them on demand. This when their owner happens to be appoxiamtely 15-20 times their size and could reduce them to a pancake with one of those big metal beasts with four wheels without much trouble.

Ostridges aren't too bright.

I once tried sex with a cow. For scientific purposes you understand. And while it was actually quite satifying and mutually enjoyable (At least she told me it was good) there was a sort of problem with the udder. Oh it didn't get in the way as such, it just made this horrible sloshing sound throughout the experience. Yeurgh.

What, exactly, would happen if you put a squirrel in a microwave? Just wondering.

I like to relieve bordom by finding a large crowd, joining it, and occasionally screaming "THE ANTICHRIST! THE ANTICHRIST! OH GOD IT'S SATAN!!" while pointing at an appropriately innocent looking baby.

Sex with wives of SWAT team members should be avoided...trust me on this one.

I've often wondered what would happen if you gained the address of a letter bomber and sent them lots of fuzzy, cute toys.

Wouldn't it be cool if it actually rained cats and dogs?

Another fun thing to do to relieve bordom is to go to work absolutely naked. Look confused, yet calm, and say things to your co-workers like "Phew! Glad this is a dream.", "Boy, if this were really happening I'd just die of embarrasment." and "Think I might go to aerobics class before this dream ends."

Sex....that's all. I was just thinking about it..mmmm.

Flapjacks. How you think they got their name? I mean they don't seem to flap, at least not at my place, and I see no reason to call them Jack. Who's to say that some of them aren't female? Maybe we should call some of them Jack, and some of them Jill. Then we could have flap Jacks and Jills.. Wouldn't we all be that much happier?

Rabies: Just a dog having fun. Leave them alone man.

Yet another bordom breaker: Chase old ladies around in a clown costume yelling "I am the Grim Reaper. Your time has come.", honk your nose for greater effect.