Flippo the human nerf bat
There once was a man named Flippo, the 'Human nerf bat'. Flippo had many friends, people just loved to punch and kick and bite Flippo, and so they liked him. They found that when they were around him they felt strangely calm and collected, somehow soothed and at peace. But they did not know the truth...the horrible truth.
Flippo had plans for them all...evil, nasty, cruel, and quite possibly denigrating plans.
You see, while externally Flippo showed nothing but peace and calm and actually seemed to enjoy having the living crap beaten out of him, internally he writhed and screamed with every hit, inside his being he contorted and cried with every bite, and this pain and anger built up and up the more he was abused.
You see Flippo was waiting for his 'friends'. He waited for them with knives, he waited with axes, with guns and with nice shiny garrotte. He waited with a very wide smile on his face, a very wide smile. Actually if you were to look at him at this moment you might consider this smile of his to be a tad too wide for his head, you might second guess your eyes as you notice that his shining white teeth spread out on each side of his little face. You might be scared.
Flippo continued to wait, drool seeping from his evil grimace, dripping onto the gleaming blade he held in his left hand. There was no handle, just blade, and Flippo held tightly to his prize. Again, if you were to catch a glimpse of Flippo at this stage you might be bemused as to how he could be holding on to the blade so tightly that it turned his knuckles white, yet have no blood seeping from his fist. Once more you might be scared.
Basically anyone who happened to come across this strange little man, with his strange little grin, and vast array of weaponry might very well run in total fear, screaming at the top of their lungs, and gibbering like a frightened little school boy. Well they would, unless, of course, they noticed that little thing.
The tinsy little detail which sort of unscaryfied the whole situation.
The minute bit of supplementary information that if you had along with the rest of the imagery you had taken in would tend to make you giggle rather than scream, shake with mirth rather than fear, and quite possibly snort milk out of your nose from laugh ing..assuming you were drinking milk at that moment of course.
You see, Flippo wasn't just known as a human nerf bat for his amazing ability to be bashed repeatedly without any sign of actual injury, he actually was a nerf bat, and basically when one sees a nerf bat armed to the teeth and sporting a grin that's supposed to be menacing, yet somehow doesn't reach such scary heights when placed on the end of a pudgey, spongy little body, one isn't really filled with any feeling of dread or fear, but rather feels an overwhelming need to cack oneself well and truly.
Oh yeah, and having a dog widdling on your spongy, absorbent body also tends to make one look a tad miserable.
Such is the life of Flippo the 'Human nerf bat'